Finding Love or Finding Yourself? The Real Journey with Peyton Leonard
Today, we're diving deep into the world of relationships with the incredible Peyton Leonard, who’s not just a musician and author but also a relationship coach. The main dish on today’s menu? Helping single women find contentment and wholeness in their lives before they even think about dating. We’re all about breaking down that absurd pressure to rush into relationships—seriously, who decided that being single is a bad thing anyway? Peyton's here to chat about how to embrace your singlehood, trust the process, and maybe even get cozy with the idea that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. So, grab your comfiest blanket, because we’re about to get real about love, life, and everything in between!
Peyton Leonard joins me for a relaxed yet eye-opening discussion about singlehood, relationships, and the often absurd expectations that come with them. As a musician and relationship coach, Peyton brings a refreshing perspective to the table, reminding us that being single is not just a waiting period for a relationship—it’s an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. We kick things off with some laughs as we acknowledge the societal pressures that can make single women feel like they’re in a race against time to find a partner, especially within faith communities where marriage is often seen as the ultimate goal.
Through our banter, we dive deep into the importance of understanding one’s worth outside of romantic relationships. Peyton emphasizes the concept of 'abundance'—the idea that your happiness and fulfillment don’t hinge on being in a relationship. She shares relatable stories that illustrate how women can often feel like they’re just waiting for the right guy to come along, but she encourages a shift in mindset. Instead of feeling like a lonely puppy waiting to be adopted, women should focus on blooming where they’re planted. We explore the misconceptions surrounding love and the need to be whole before sharing your life with someone else, making for some pretty insightful moments that might just change how you view your single life.
As we wrap up, Peyton offers practical advice on how to navigate the dating scene with confidence and grace, without feeling desperate or insecure. She reminds us that relationships are great, but they’re not the end-all-be-all of our existence. With the holidays around the corner, we also touch on the emotional rollercoaster that can come with being single during this season, reminding listeners that God sees them and loves them unconditionally. This episode is a blend of humor, sincerity, and a heartfelt message that resonates with anyone looking to better understand themselves and their journey in love.
Takeaways:
- Peyton Leonard emphasizes that being whole and fulfilled in singleness is essential before entering a relationship, which really makes you think about how much we rush into dating without self-awareness.
- The podcast highlights the absurdity of romanticizing relationships, pointing out that they come with their own challenges, not just fairytale endings like Disney movies suggest.
- A key takeaway is the importance of community and seeking support from others while dating, which can often feel isolating in today's fast-paced digital world.
- Peyton shares that learning to be still and waiting patiently on God is a vital lesson for single women, which ironically seems to contradict our culture of instant gratification.
Links referenced in this episode:
Links referenced in this episode:
- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/39CmjSuarWYhKCIuyjMwzG?si=6a90368d417b4201&nd=1&dlsi=b4410d9a81f64696
- relationships.peytonnaomileonard.com
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Spotify
- International Churches of Christ
- Disciples Today
Transcript
Today I have the blessing of talking to Peyton.
Speaker A:Welcome.
Speaker B:Hi.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker A:Peyton is a musician, author, and relationship coach.
Speaker A:So we are going to.
Speaker A:We're going to be blessed to today with many things.
Speaker A:Now, your music.
Speaker A:I do want to start off with your music because it is.
Speaker A:I do want to get started with your music because is.
Speaker A:I just want to praise you on your music.
Speaker A:It is beautiful.
Speaker A:Scars is a really good one.
Speaker A:I love that beat.
Speaker A:And what was the other one?
Speaker A:Is it beautiful?
Speaker B:Oh, beautiful world.
Speaker A:Better.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:I like Scars better, which is on repeat, which is why I know that so well.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But then I. I needed to move on.
Speaker A:So, you know when you don't want to, like, annoy people with a song, so I needed to move on, so I moved on to a beautiful world.
Speaker A:But, yeah, anyways, check her out on Spotify with their music.
Speaker B:Oh, thank you.
Speaker B:Bless you.
Speaker A:Thanks.
Speaker A:But today wasn't the music that I want to talk about.
Speaker A:We can talk about music, but you are a relationship coach, and this is the season for relationships.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker A:It.
Speaker B:It.
Speaker A:It's funny because, like, summertime is like single season because, you know, you're at the beach, hey, it's warm.
Speaker A:Hey, let's go out.
Speaker B:Yeah, right.
Speaker A:But the holidays is cozy time, and that's.
Speaker A:And then also the end of the year, New Year's coming up.
Speaker A:So, you know, it's a lot of reflection.
Speaker A:It's a time for reflection when it comes to our lives.
Speaker A:So first thing is.
Speaker A:First, what do you.
Speaker A:How do you help us single ladies as far as navigating with relationships?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So as a relationship coach, my goal is to help single women, particularly single Christian women, feel whole and content and joyful and fulfilled in their singleness even before they get into a relationship.
Speaker B:So that's.
Speaker B:My goal is I'm gonna.
Speaker B:I. I try to help women get to a place of wholeness and abundance and who they are and who God created them to be so that, you know, if and when it's in God's will for a man to come into their lives, that they'll be ready.
Speaker B:And it's not going to be toxic, it's not going to be addictive, it's not going to be codependent, any of that stuff, because they'll be so centered and grounded in themselves and God that it'll be just two whole people coming together and being yoked together as God intended.
Speaker B:So that's.
Speaker B:That's basically what I do.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:You had.
Speaker A:There's a couple of Words that really came out, which was abundance.
Speaker A:And there was another one that.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That came to my mind and what you said, because in the Christian religion, primarily, the goal is to find a partner, to find a husband, to be a wife.
Speaker B:And there's definitely that pressure in the churches.
Speaker A:Right, let's talk about that.
Speaker B:It's true.
Speaker A:I remember I scared my mom.
Speaker A:I remember my parents have been together for over 30 years.
Speaker A:And I remember I told my mom and I scared her.
Speaker A:And I said, if you and dad get a divorce, I will never.
Speaker A:I will never get married.
Speaker A:And I think it scared her because seeing them, I wouldn't.
Speaker A:If they ever got a divorce, I wouldn't know what a relationship would be or how it should move, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:No, I get that.
Speaker A:So when it comes.
Speaker A:When you're describing the words of abundance and wholeness and all those adjectives, how does one get to that point?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So starts first with awareness, being aware of who you are and who God created you to be.
Speaker B:And also just being.
Speaker B:Being honest with yourself and God about where you are in your singleness journey.
Speaker B:Because I think there's a lot of women.
Speaker B:I was there before I got married.
Speaker B:I was single for goodness, a whole stretch of like, five years.
Speaker B:And so that journey, I had to learn to grieve where I was and to accept it and have those honest, raw prayers with God.
Speaker B:Because for me, singleness felt like a waiting room, as I'm sure many women feel that way too.
Speaker B:Just like they're just kind of waiting.
Speaker B:How I described it in one interview, and I thought it was very relatable to myself especially is.
Speaker B:It's like when you have a litter of puppies in a box, and you.
Speaker B:And you're one of those puppies, and you see all these other puppies get picked, and you're just waiting for your turn to be adopted.
Speaker B:And so for me, that's how it was being single for a long time.
Speaker B:And it wasn't until I got to a place of surrender and peace and just trust in where God had me and really learned to bloom, where I was planted, that I was able to move to the next step and move forward and find someone who is now my husband.
Speaker B:It was only until God really refined me in that.
Speaker B:In that time of singleness, that I was able to be ready, even just mentally, emotionally, spiritually ready for a relationship.
Speaker B:Because it can.
Speaker B:It can feel, at least from what I've seen and what I've experienced.
Speaker B:In our churches and in our society, we elevate Relationships to the max, almost to the point of idolatry, pretty much idolatry.
Speaker B:We're like, idolizing relationships, you know, and we romanticize it so much and blow it so far out of proportion, you know, And.
Speaker B:And not to say that relationships aren't great.
Speaker B:They are.
Speaker B:They have their place and they're wonderful in the way God designed them.
Speaker B:But the reality is they have their.
Speaker B:Their cross to bear as well.
Speaker B:They have their.
Speaker B:Their hardships, they have their challenges.
Speaker B:You know, it's not all rainbows and roses, you know, as people like to think about relationships, about dating, about engagement, about marriage.
Speaker B:And I. I want to break that illusion, disillusionment as much as I'm able to for single women, because I wish I had someone that, that really sat down with me and was like, this is what marriage is really like, or this is what dating is really like, or this is wedding gate.
Speaker B:That whole process of getting married, the whole wedding planning is really like.
Speaker B:It's a headache.
Speaker B:It's a lot, you know, goodness me, it was stressful.
Speaker B:But like I was saying, it.
Speaker B:It has its place.
Speaker B:And I. I think God created marriage to be this.
Speaker B:So such a beautiful thing where two people come together and they are refined by one another.
Speaker B:God uses that marriage to make them holy and more like Jesus.
Speaker B:And so I truly believe that marriage is such a gift and it's such a foreshadow of what's to come with our union with God.
Speaker B:You know, it's.
Speaker B:It's beautiful.
Speaker B:But I think in the world, in our society, we just.
Speaker B:We like, worship it almost.
Speaker B:And like, we.
Speaker B:We make it this.
Speaker B:This, like.
Speaker B:I don't know, it's like this ecstasy, this rapture, this, like, almost like a drug, like, effect that it has on people.
Speaker B:And so anyway, like I was saying.
Speaker A:No, continue.
Speaker A:Yeah, don't.
Speaker A:Don't need to stop.
Speaker A:Continue.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker A:I mean, there are some adjectives that you're like idolatry.
Speaker A:And when you think about it, we are.
Speaker A:I mean, you don't have to go far.
Speaker A:I mean, Disney does a great job at that in the very beginning with, you know, Cinderella, with Princess and the Frog.
Speaker A:So, you know, Disney does a great job in creating this halo effect around being in a relationship, being chosen, especially the right one, you know.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker A:Like, he just comes down.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And there's angels singing and dancing, dubs flying everywhere.
Speaker B:It's just magical.
Speaker A:You just need to stand right here by these beautiful trees or whatever, and he's just gonna arrive.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker B:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker A:What's the point of dating.
Speaker A:He's gonna ascend.
Speaker B:There he is.
Speaker A:He is.
Speaker A:We're done.
Speaker A:So when it comes to.
Speaker A:Yeah, there he is.
Speaker A:He's ascended when it comes to.
Speaker A:Because as you said, going back to preparing ourselves to just knowing who we are, especially within a relationship with Christ, the.
Speaker A:I'm jumping to the next step.
Speaker A:Which is, which is the dating.
Speaker A:Because I mean, I wish, you know, he just arrived, you know, like in some Cinderella.
Speaker A:Or he never really arrived, but we get the point.
Speaker A:Or he could just be like an Amazon package.
Speaker A:Great order.
Speaker A:Come open up the box, just put in the batteries and then we're good to go.
Speaker B:Oh goodness.
Speaker B:Oh my goodness.
Speaker A:So when it comes, when it comes with the next step in dating, because there are great guys, but they may not be great for you.
Speaker B:True, very true.
Speaker B:And I think what helped me when I was in my dating phase and just kind of, I kept an open mind and that's why I go back to just having that wholeness and groundedness in who you are and who God is with you.
Speaker B:Because ultimately God is your husband first.
Speaker B:He is the lover of your soul first.
Speaker B:And so with that, just have that image in mind and not like you're looking for, for a completely like flawless human being because that doesn't exist.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But you do want to look for someone that is God fearing and, and just respects you and cares for you and cares for your faith even more so.
Speaker B:And I, I feel so lucky because my movement of churches, we have a dating website and so I was able to just date within our movement.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker B:You know, it's one of those things where you, I don't want to say this.
Speaker B:You, you, you have an open mind and you just start with friendship first.
Speaker B:You know, you just, you just decide to be a good friend to your brothers and, and I think when you get to that place where it, it doesn't feel like this scarcity, like when you get to this place about dating where it doesn't feel like you, you're, you're coming from a place of lack, you're coming from a place of abundance and like I'm good either way.
Speaker B:Kind of like that, like that's kind of when God blesses you with someone, as.
Speaker B:That's what I've noticed.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:At least in my own journey.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So let me take a step back.
Speaker A:Your church had a website, huh?
Speaker A:Was it like a megachurch or was it like, or was it like, you know, a denomination type it.
Speaker B:We're non denominational, but our movement has churches all over the world.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I've never heard of that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Is it like plenty of fish or eharmony type thing or.
Speaker B:It's, it's.
Speaker A:It's big.
Speaker B:It's like, not exact.
Speaker B:Oh, goodness.
Speaker B:Not exactly.
Speaker B:Not exactly.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:My group of churches is called the International Churches of Christ.
Speaker B:And so we have a dating website that, that people in the.
Speaker B:In the church created, called Disciples Today.
Speaker B:Heart and Soul, I believe it is.
Speaker B:And so it's like, it's like our version of Christian Mingle, but it's like strictly the members of the iCock.
Speaker A:Oh, wow.
Speaker A:I never.
Speaker A:I didn't know that I learned something new.
Speaker A:So in order to gain access, you need to be a member of the church.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Wow, that's neat.
Speaker A:I. I didn't know that was.
Speaker A:I didn't think that was a thing.
Speaker A:Because I know like.
Speaker A:Yeah, because I know, like, they're.
Speaker A:What is it?
Speaker A:I know plenty of fish was created as a Christian one and then the other one, like Christian Mingle was another one that was a real popular one.
Speaker A:But that, that's an.
Speaker A:That's a nice resource for within a church.
Speaker A:Because another thing too, that is popping in my mind that is sadly not something that's with us today is.
Speaker B:You.
Speaker A:Know, when my grandparents were coming up, you know, they, they knew each other because they knew each other through other contacts, you know, similar town, in a similar neighborhood, going to the same church, you know, it.
Speaker A:They.
Speaker A:They didn't have to go far, you know, in order to find someone.
Speaker A:And on top of that, they.
Speaker A:The reputation was already established, you know.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So that, that was a nice safety to find somebody new.
Speaker B:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's crazy how far we've come, isn't it?
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:It is crazy how far we come, especially hearing there's their story, my grandparents story and my parents story, you know, it was just like so and so knew so and so and it was like, that's amazing.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And then they met each other and, you know, the rest is history.
Speaker A:But that's nice that a church website has that.
Speaker A:Because really, when the primary things I'm thinking about is religion and, and if it's on your church website, you know, that's something that's already established.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You know, and you don't, you don't have to second guess, like, convictions like who, like who's, like what.
Speaker B:What do you believe compared to what I believe about Christianity or vice versa.
Speaker B:Like, you just know, like, we're on the same.
Speaker B:It's like all level.
Speaker A:It is, yeah.
Speaker A:Because I mean, when it comes to not just dating, but this is just who you are as a person and who you are within Christ.
Speaker A:Because as you said, you need to first establish that relationship.
Speaker A:God is your husband first.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:There are boundaries and there are beliefs that will be tested.
Speaker B:Oh, for sure, for sure.
Speaker B:And yeah, the beautiful thing about, I think dating in the kingdom is that it's not, how do I say this?
Speaker B:It, like, at least for me, when I was dating my husband, it wasn't a private thing.
Speaker B:Like we didn't just hide our relationship and be like, oh, like we're just gonna be lovey dovey over here.
Speaker B:Like, no, we invited people in the chur church to help us and shape us and help us be ready for marriage.
Speaker B:You know, like we had those mentors and those, those, those people that we could go to for advice.
Speaker B:Like, oh, we're struggling with this, like, how do we resolve this argument?
Speaker B:How do we deal with this behavior?
Speaker B:How do we overcome this?
Speaker B:And it was almost like counseling before ever like getting engaged.
Speaker B:It was almost like pre engagement counseling, you know, but like it was so helpful for us to be able to have that.
Speaker B:We're so blessed to have that in our, in the kingdom and just in the church abroad, you know, just something like, like it takes a village, you know.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It does.
Speaker A:Now I'm, now there's a counter argument, you know, as far as I don't want people in my business, you know.
Speaker B:Sure, sure.
Speaker A:So how, how are you?
Speaker A:How is that being balanced?
Speaker B:Yeah, so I think it's up to the person really, like what you want to share and what you're comfortable sharing with other people.
Speaker B:But I, I look at it this way.
Speaker B:I'd rather have as many people in my corner helping me with all my issues and with all his issues and not than trying to figure it out on my own because it's like I don't know everything.
Speaker B:And there are people that are ahead of me in this relationship deal that, that know exactly like what's going on and how to deal with it, how to address like they've been down that path.
Speaker B:So why not tap into that resource?
Speaker B:You know, that's my thinking anyways.
Speaker A:Valen, Valen.
Speaker A:Because I mean, at the end of the day, I mean, I mean dating, I mean as you step one, strengthen your relationship with God and then now you're adding a third person, you know, into, into the mix.
Speaker A:So now, now you are adding this third person.
Speaker A:As far as like learning each other, learning yourself in this journey before, quite honestly, you Make a promise.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, before you make a promise.
Speaker A:Switching gears with.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:We kind of touched on it as far as slightly with my grandparents and how the way they maybe perhaps approached relationships.
Speaker B:What.
Speaker A:What is different from what was to what is today when it comes to us women, men, and how we approach relationships?
Speaker B:What.
Speaker A:What do you see that's different?
Speaker B:Yeah, I think, I think our struggle in this day and age is that we're very lonely.
Speaker B:Like, we have all this social media, we have all this connection, but we're not really connected.
Speaker B:And I feel like back in the day they didn't have the Internet and so they really hunkered down in where they were and, and really deepened those relationships where they were.
Speaker B:And I think it's easy.
Speaker B:I. I know it's easy for me to just have friendships around me that are not as deep or not as meaningful as the ones that I have like.
Speaker B:Like around the world.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, and not that there's anything wrong with that.
Speaker B:I just think it's just different, you know, it's.
Speaker B:It's a different culture, it's a different society.
Speaker B:And so I think for those of us that really seek that connection one on one or in person, there's a lot of people suffering as a result.
Speaker B:Because we're so used to just interacting with a message or like just a brief phone call or email or even on Zoom or whatever software that we're using.
Speaker B:And it's not as.
Speaker B:There's something about that in person connection that it helps release oxytocin and it helps release dopamine.
Speaker B:Like all those good chemicals that make us feel good and connected to people.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's.
Speaker B:It's difficult to be able to produce those same chemicals just looking at a screen.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, it's different when you're able to touch someone or, or, or even just like, oddly enough, just like smell them.
Speaker B:Not like you're like all up in their face, like, smelling them, you know, but like, you know, like just naturally you smell someone's scent and you're like, oh, wow, this person is a safe person.
Speaker B:And their scent makes me feel safe.
Speaker B:You know, like we don't really have that anymore like we used to.
Speaker A:And how can we.
Speaker A:What are ways to.
Speaker A:Or steps or to bring some of it back?
Speaker B:Yeah, I think.
Speaker B:And this is something I'm working on too.
Speaker B:So I think it just starts with.
Speaker B:I think there's so many of us that just think like, oh, like, I, I read this book.
Speaker B:Let me go back a little bit.
Speaker B:I read this book Called the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.
Speaker B:And it was really helpful for me and just learning about adult friendships, because what she breaks down in the book is that, like, you know, when we're growing up in, like, public school or wherever, we're growing up in community like that, there's a group of us kids that grow up and we go through the same steps together.
Speaker B:And so that brings community, that brings oneness and friendship and that intimacy that so many people think that they'll.
Speaker B:They'll carry into their adulthood.
Speaker B:But adult friendships are so much different than child relationships because people move, people get married, people have kids, their parents get sick, and you lose touch, and then you're.
Speaker B:Then you're in a place and you don't recognize anybody.
Speaker B:And it's not like you all go through the same stages together like you used to in public school.
Speaker B:So it's just different.
Speaker B:It's weird, but I think.
Speaker B:And something she talks about in that book is just how to step out of that, is just to.
Speaker B:To realize that people a lot of times aren't coming to, like.
Speaker B:I don't know, this might sound a little harsh, but, like, to save you from your loneliness, like, you have to take ownership of it and be like, okay, I am sitting alone on my couch, and I've been doing this for the past year.
Speaker B:I have no friends.
Speaker B:Like friends, you know, what can I do?
Speaker B:How can I take responsibility for my friendships and relationships that are around me and the people that are around me?
Speaker B:How can I foster that relationship?
Speaker B:And so I think it starts just by simply again, like, I was talking about with singleness and just grieving that, having that awareness that, okay, I am sitting here.
Speaker B:It's my choice to be isolated and alone.
Speaker B:I can do something about this.
Speaker B:I can control this, and I can go out there and make some friends, you know, and it doesn't have to be like, oh, will you be my friend?
Speaker B:Will you be my friend?
Speaker B:Be my friend.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be awkward like that.
Speaker B:You know, you just start by, like, meeting people at your local coffee shop and just complimenting them on something and then just being honest.
Speaker B:Like, hey, I. I've lived here for about a year.
Speaker B:I don't know anybody.
Speaker B:Like, h. How do you find friends in this area?
Speaker B:Like, how.
Speaker B:Like, how long have you lived here?
Speaker B:And all this.
Speaker B:Like, that's how you build that rapport and that connection.
Speaker B:You.
Speaker B:You have to be the one to be like, okay, no one's gonna come and just knock on my door and be like, I want to Be your friend.
Speaker B:Like, it, It's.
Speaker B:It's nice to think of.
Speaker B:It's, It's.
Speaker B:It's like movies, but it's not real.
Speaker B:Most of us are very much hermits and we don't really talk to other people unless we're spoken to.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so, and so we, we have to be the ones to step up and be like, okay, I'm going to take control of my relationships and do something about my loneliness.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:There is.
Speaker A:There's a very interesting point that I think.
Speaker A:I think is.
Speaker A:I don't know if it's missed or people too are afraid to do, but you have to take the first step.
Speaker A:Like somebody has to take that first step to say hello.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And if you are in a space of wanting interaction, you have to be brave and take that first step.
Speaker A:I, I think of this quote, but, I mean, it's kind of harsh, but closed mouths can't be fed, you know, like, like, like, you got to do something.
Speaker B:There you go.
Speaker A:Receive something.
Speaker B:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker A:More gently, but, like, you reap what you sow.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Kind of thing.
Speaker B:It's like if you're not re.
Speaker B:If you're not reaping, you're not gonna sow anything.
Speaker B:You gotta put those seeds out there and spread.
Speaker B:Spread your, your, your, you know, your stuff.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So that it can grow and become something, you know?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And then another point, because sometimes, now, correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like part of this loneliness isn't, you know, technology is a contributing factor.
Speaker A:But is it me or is.
Speaker A:Is it a family?
Speaker A:Fear of rejection is also just running a bit more rampant, you know?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:There's a lot of fear going on.
Speaker B:And with that, I think they feed each other.
Speaker B:The lone cards feeds that.
Speaker B:Like, like the fear of rejection is like, oh, I'm so scared.
Speaker B:Like, what if they say no?
Speaker B:Like, what if this closed door happens?
Speaker B:And then we isolate to avoid that rejection, but then we're lonely.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So at, you know, at some point you have to say, and I'm borrowing this from Mel Robbins, this is her theory, not mine.
Speaker B:But you just got to say, let them.
Speaker B:Like, let them close the door.
Speaker B:Let them say no.
Speaker B:Like, that's their prerogative.
Speaker B:If they do that, like, that's on them.
Speaker B:That's not on you.
Speaker B:That doesn't take away your value, your intrinsic value as a human being made in the image of God, you know, and then once you say let them, then you say, let me.
Speaker B:Let me do what I Can to just build friendships elsewhere.
Speaker B:Just keep searching, to keep reaping, to keep putting my efforts out there.
Speaker B:Because eventually it's like with anything, you put effort in and sometimes you don't always get results right away.
Speaker B:And that's okay.
Speaker B:That doesn't mean it's not working.
Speaker B:That doesn't mean you're on the wrong path.
Speaker B:It just means that that's life.
Speaker B:Life isn't always going to give you what you want right away.
Speaker B:Sometimes it does, and it's awesome.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's like you put something in and you get something out of it.
Speaker B:Exactly what you want, and you're like, yes.
Speaker B:But other times it's like you got to work for it.
Speaker B:You got to work and you gotta.
Speaker B:You gotta build character and persevere and endure.
Speaker B:But all of that will produce a fruit in you that will last forever, you know?
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:You know, there was something else that I was thinking as you were, as you were talking about it.
Speaker A:Value was the word that you use.
Speaker A:We put too much stock in people evaluating our value.
Speaker A:Even.
Speaker A:Even though we full know.
Speaker A:Well, like you have no authority to.
Speaker A:Whether I go to heaven or not.
Speaker A:But yet we put so much stock in how people perceive us.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's true.
Speaker B:It's true.
Speaker B:I mean, I wanted to relate it some way back to Jesus because when you look at Jesus, he.
Speaker B:He knew who he was.
Speaker B:He was confident that he was the Son of God and that he came down to redeem people.
Speaker B:Like he was so, so faithful and so obedient to his calling.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:That nothing could deter him.
Speaker B:Not even rejection, not beatings, not death.
Speaker B:Nothing, nothing could deter him.
Speaker B:And I feel it's a high calling.
Speaker B:But I know God is wanting that for us too.
Speaker B:To live in that freedom, you know, to not be bound by what people think about us or.
Speaker B:Or even our own condescending thoughts about ourselves, but really just tap into the love of God and like scripture says, be transformed by the renewing of our mind, you know, and just know that we have.
Speaker B:We are so loved and so treasured by God and that's all that matters, you know?
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:I couldn't say I'd have said it any better.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker A:As we.
Speaker A:You know, it's interesting because in the beginning, you know, I talk about.
Speaker A:I talk.
Speaker A:I mentioned about the cycle, you know.
Speaker A:You know, holidays is for the coziness, for the reflection.
Speaker A:I mean, Hallmark is ready to go.
Speaker A:The Hallmark Channel is ready to go.
Speaker B:All year, all year round.
Speaker B:They are just.
Speaker B:They never turn off.
Speaker A:I Remember when they.
Speaker A:I. I don't watch Hallmark like that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because the cheesiness of it, like, like the cheesiness of it just really, like, turns me off.
Speaker A:But I remember when they did like Christmas in July and I was just like.
Speaker B:Yeah, right.
Speaker B:It's like, I'm not ready for this.
Speaker B:I'm just not ready for this.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, gosh.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, the Hallmark channel, they.
Speaker A:They are very.
Speaker A:They're tapping into something very much needed in the.
Speaker A:The community of.
Speaker A:Of women.
Speaker A:Because, like, the script is the same as far as they're in this reflection point in their lives.
Speaker A:They're in a space that they don't want to be in.
Speaker A:They're doing things that they normally don't do.
Speaker A:But, oh, my gosh, this dashing looking guy.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:The acting is just a whole other level.
Speaker A:I feel like there needs to be a paper, a study written on why this type of acting just works, works for people, but.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Dissertation or something.
Speaker B:Thesis, something, something.
Speaker A:But we're in the cycle of the coziness, you know, of the winter and then in the summer it's of the singleness, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Free to be.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:To be free.
Speaker A:So when we talk about.
Speaker A:I guess what I'm trying to get at is what advice would you give to the single women as far as.
Speaker A:So they won't be.
Speaker A:Because there are women out there who are in this cycle, you know.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I would say something I'm learning, and hopefully this will be helpful for single women out there is that our bodies, a lot of times 5% of our mind is conscious, 95% of our mind is subconscious.
Speaker B:So I just read a book called you are the placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza, and it's a really profound book.
Speaker B:And he talks about how.
Speaker B:How easy it is for our bodies just to go on autopilot and for us to not even use our conscious mind to really think, like, what am I doing?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker B:And so I think for the women in that cycle of just like, oh, cozy winter, single free summer, like, think about it.
Speaker B:Like, is that really what you want?
Speaker B:Is that really what you want?
Speaker B:You just want to keep going into this cycle?
Speaker B:I mean, some women do, and then, amen, that's great for you, but I know.
Speaker B:So there's some women that do not.
Speaker B:And they're just like, I. I don't want to be controlled by the seasons.
Speaker B:I don't want to be controlled by my body or my hormones or my mind.
Speaker B:It, like my negative thoughts about Feeling lonely or not feeling comfortable in my own skin, you know?
Speaker B:And so I would challenge these women to really just be aware first.
Speaker B:First and foremost to be aware of where you are in your life, like, in your body, like, who you are, and really think about it and.
Speaker B:And really challenge it, too.
Speaker B:Like, is this really what I want from my life?
Speaker B:You know, because I think we.
Speaker B:It's almost like the Matrix.
Speaker B:We just kind of plug in and then we just kind of just go, and we don't even think to, like, look out the window, see the sunset, look at the flowers, if there are flowers out, say hello to someone that we wouldn't normally say hello to.
Speaker B:Like, actually live life and embrace life and enjoy life as opposed to just.
Speaker B:Just going through it like the rat race, you know?
Speaker B:So, yeah, I. I think it becomes a thing where you.
Speaker B:You have to just.
Speaker B:I don't know if.
Speaker B:If it's meditation or journaling or, you know, whatever you have to do to get to a place where you no longer feel like you're just going on autopilot.
Speaker B:But, like, just look at yourself.
Speaker B:Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, is this where I want to be?
Speaker B:Who do I want to be, and why do I want to be this person?
Speaker B:What will I feel like being, becoming this new person if the old person is not who I want to be?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, like, really asking those deep questions, because ultimately it comes down to just our.
Speaker B:Our minds and what we're capable of.
Speaker B:Like, through.
Speaker B:Through.
Speaker B:You are the.
Speaker B:You are the placebo.
Speaker B:I've learned so much about how God has created our bodies, and it is so amazing.
Speaker B:Like, there.
Speaker B:There's.
Speaker B:There's so much power that we have that we have not even tapped into because we're so on autopilot and so.
Speaker B:So busy and so.
Speaker B:So distracted by.
Speaker B:By everything going on in the world that we don't even take the time to, you know, sit with ourselves and.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And learn to love ourselves and like ourselves and.
Speaker B:And from there, learn to appreciate what God has made in us.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:You know, so.
Speaker B:Sorry, that was a little lengthy, but I. I'm.
Speaker A:I'm here to learn.
Speaker A:Teach me, teacher.
Speaker A:Teach me.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker A:I can only imagine.
Speaker A:I was thinking that comment made me think about the question, like, you know, with Jesus and Sermon on the Mount, you know, those people probably had chores and things to do, you know, like.
Speaker B:Yeah, they had their lives.
Speaker B:Yeah, lives.
Speaker A:It's not like today where we can be like, oh, the clothes are in the wash, or, you know, if you're making Bread, you know, you put it in a device and it's going to do it for you.
Speaker A:No, no other things like stopped, you know, in order to receive something that.
Speaker A:That they never been fed before.
Speaker A:So, yeah, no need to apologize by the lengthiness.
Speaker A:I am here to receive what you have to offer.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Thinking about a question, and before I move on to what may be my final question is I do want to thank you for being here today.
Speaker A:I think this is a very important subject that we are all not.
Speaker A:I shouldn't say all.
Speaker A:I'm being dramatic, but a lot of people are going through.
Speaker A:You know, I'm thinking about my friends, thinking about myself.
Speaker A:You know, we there.
Speaker A:There's this urge and this desire, you know, to get to the end of what feels like a race to check that box, you know, however people feel that it is.
Speaker A:And so sometimes, you know, we do things that, you know, we sabotage ourselves without knowing or because we seen others do it or, you know, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker A:There's so many reasons.
Speaker A:So I do want to thank you for being here and just sharing your wisdom and your knowledge.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And the question that I have.
Speaker B:I almost.
Speaker A:It almost left my mind.
Speaker A:I hate when it does that.
Speaker A:Golly.
Speaker A:The one thing that I do have when it comes to relationships, and this is with any and every part, so this is just a broad question, but what is one thing that you see that is a blind spot for a lot of us.
Speaker B:A blind spot for single women, honestly.
Speaker B:And it's something I had to learn myself as a single woman.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And I'm still learning.
Speaker B:It's not easy.
Speaker B:I'm very much an ambitious person and I'm a go getter and I work hard and if I want something, I go after it.
Speaker B:But like learning how to just be still, just learning to be still and surrendered and wait on God, that's hard.
Speaker B:That's hard for a lot of us.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because we want to take matters into our own hands.
Speaker B:We're like, God, I'm tired of waiting for a relationship.
Speaker B:I'm tired of waiting for this.
Speaker B:I'm tired of waiting for that.
Speaker B:And I get it.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:We all get that way.
Speaker B:You know, it's like the human condition.
Speaker B:We just want to keep running ahead, you know, But.
Speaker B:But I think.
Speaker B:And one of the songs that I wrote that's on Spotify is called Wait.
Speaker B:It's a song written in the voice of Jesus.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:And so it's God, it's Jesus imploring us to wait on him and to slow down.
Speaker B:And so the chorus goes something like, oh, you impatient heart, how long will you chase?
Speaker B:How long will you run?
Speaker B:How long will it take for you to realize you can't be the one?
Speaker B:Slow down.
Speaker B:You're wearing yourself out, you know?
Speaker B:And so the song itself is very slow and meditative, and I. I think sometimes we get so agitated sitting and being still, and honestly, it's pride.
Speaker B:It's pride and.
Speaker B:And just not trusting that God will provide, thinking that our ways are better than his ways, you know, and that's a scary place to be.
Speaker B:But I think that God is so, so amazing and so gentle with us, and he just wants to sit with us and just be with us and breathe with us and experience life with us, you know, like, that's the whole point of Jesus.
Speaker B:Jesus's name is Emmanuel.
Speaker B:God with us, he wants to be close.
Speaker B:So close that you can't even tell the difference between God and yourself because you're so enmeshed together.
Speaker B:That's how close he wants to be.
Speaker B:And so just learning to be still is so difficult for single women.
Speaker B:It's difficult for me, and I'm not even single anymore.
Speaker B:Like, I struggle with it in other areas, like with my business or with my health, you know, like.
Speaker B:Like there's just so many times where we.
Speaker B:We just want to hurry up and get there, but that's not life.
Speaker B:Life is.
Speaker B:Is a marathon.
Speaker B:It's not a sprint.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it's learning to just breathe and sit.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Just be still, you know?
Speaker B:So that definitely was a blind spot for me, and I had to learn the hard way because I dealt with health issues.
Speaker B:Otherwise, I would have just kept trucking along, you know, and done my own thing.
Speaker B:But I think God allowed me to get sick in order for me to see how important it is to be still and let him lead, you know, and let.
Speaker B:And just wait on him and trust him and just cling to him, you know?
Speaker B:So that's what I would leave with.
Speaker B:Single woman.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:I'm digesting.
Speaker A:I'm digesting what you just said.
Speaker A:Thank you for that.
Speaker A:I think that is definitely a blind spot, something that I myself do need to work on.
Speaker A:And some of it, I shouldn't blame that on myself because we're in a world that moves fast, you know?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Things like email fast, text fast, you know.
Speaker B:Oh, goodness.
Speaker B:Fast.
Speaker B:Probably not as fast as we would like, but still.
Speaker B:Fast food.
Speaker A:Oh, goodness.
Speaker A:Valid.
Speaker A:Oh, yes.
Speaker A:All the things.
Speaker A:So funny, because I may be having so, so Pizza tonight.
Speaker A:Which like, like, like everything is fast, you know, and so it just.
Speaker A:We're in a world today that has created a pace that wasn't made for us.
Speaker A:It wasn't intended for us.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker A:And so, yeah, sitting still is.
Speaker A:It's a necessity, but it's almost.
Speaker A:It feels like it's a skill, you know, and it shouldn't be a skill.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker B:There's a really good book I would encourage Christians to read.
Speaker B:It's called the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer.
Speaker B:And he talks about just how our.
Speaker B:We are so busy.
Speaker B:Just busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, and, and so busy to the point where we lose sight of God's voice, we lose sight of one another, we lose sight of ourselves.
Speaker B:Like, we just.
Speaker B:We just get so stuck in the.
Speaker B:Like I was saying earlier, the rat race of busyness that we don't even take time to really think.
Speaker B:Like, is this even what I want?
Speaker B:Like, is it like we can't even unplug?
Speaker B:It's like.
Speaker B:It's like you.
Speaker B:You gotta take the red pill, you know, and just get out of there, you know, you just gotta unplug and just really get to a place where you start to notice things again, where things become apparent again.
Speaker B:Like you're just not just.
Speaker B:Just going through life like you're racing to death, you know?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I'm going to be digesting what you just said for a while.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker A:On to end on a positive note.
Speaker A:I mean, the holidays are here at this time of year.
Speaker B:What, What, What?
Speaker A:Good thing that can we leave our single ladies with as, as we.
Speaker A:As we enter in the season of coziness.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Something cozy.
Speaker B:Let's see.
Speaker B:Something cozy.
Speaker B:God sees you.
Speaker B:Even when you feel invisible.
Speaker B:God sees you.
Speaker B:God loves you.
Speaker B:God is cozying up right next to you.
Speaker B:He loves you so much more than any man, woman, child, anybody could ever love you.
Speaker B:And he's.
Speaker B:He's literally like this close.
Speaker B:Like, if I could make my fingers even close closer, I would just to demonstrate how close he is to, to you, my sister, my dear sisters.
Speaker B:Don't feel like you have to fill the void in your heart with a man because that, that void is not meant for a human.
Speaker B:That's meant for the divine.
Speaker B:That's meant for the.
Speaker B:The universal love, the being of love of the universe.
Speaker B:That's meant for God to rest there in your heart and fill you and make you like a.
Speaker B:A spring of living water, you know?
Speaker B:So don't Be afraid to tap into that and reach out to God and be honest with God and transparent, but also just grateful.
Speaker B:Just grateful for.
Speaker B:For this year and what it's brought and the lessons that you've learned.
Speaker B:And then don't be afraid to dream with God either.
Speaker B:Dream about the year ahead.
Speaker B:Dream about the years ahead.
Speaker B:Like, what.
Speaker B:What life could look like with you and God and.
Speaker B:And your sisters and your friends around you and your family.
Speaker B:Like, just think about all that you have and just have that gratitude in your heart.
Speaker B:Because one, once you do, you.
Speaker B:You're able to.
Speaker B:Well, one, you're able to think clearly and be able to see truthfully how life is.
Speaker B:Because life.
Speaker B:Life has a way of making you feel like things are not enough.
Speaker B:It makes you feel like what you do isn't enough.
Speaker B:Who you are isn't enough.
Speaker B:And that's not true.
Speaker B:And so tapping into that gratitude with God and just having that.
Speaker B:That.
Speaker B:That oneness with God, it teaches you that you are enough simply because he made you and that you don't even.
Speaker B:You don't need a relationship.
Speaker B:That's the whole point of my relationship coaching is, like, you don't really need a relationship to feel whole, to feel safe, to feel wanted.
Speaker B:Like, God provides all that, all that for you and more, you know?
Speaker B:And so, like, don't be afraid to tap into God because he's.
Speaker B:He's tapped into you and he loves you.
Speaker B:He's obsessed with you, you know, And I mean, he died for you.
Speaker B:Like, how much more can love be demonstrated but in that, you know.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:Well said.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:That was beautiful.
Speaker A:I'm gonna.
Speaker A:I'm gonna be digesting that for a long time.
Speaker A:Where can.
Speaker A:Where can our sisters find you?
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm on Instagram at Peyton Naomi Leonard.
Speaker B:You can find me on my website, peytonomylenard.com if it's acting up, you know, acting the way it's supposed to.
Speaker B:Forgive me for that.
Speaker B:Don't know what Band Zoogle is doing, but we'll figure it out.
Speaker B:It's gonna be okay.
Speaker B:But, yeah, so Instagram, my website, and then I have a relationship course course called Whole without him.
Speaker B:Five days to heal your heart and fall in love with your life again.
Speaker B:And so if you even just Google whole without him.
Speaker B:Excuse me.
Speaker B:Or just Google my name.
Speaker B:Peyton Naomi Leonard.
Speaker B:You can easily find all my stuff everywhere.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Beautiful.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Peyton.
Speaker A:I. I am blessed.
Speaker A:Today you have given us beautiful words of wisdom that.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That's going to help somebody out there.
Speaker A:So thank you for that, I'm honored and blessed.
Speaker A:Well, on that note, everybody, I am going to be digesting this word.
Speaker A:I am full today.
Speaker A:But I do want to thank you for watching.
Speaker A:And remember, God is love.
Speaker A:And God wants us to show his love to the world.
Speaker A:Until next time.
Speaker A:Later.
